i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
