You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
