After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
