id be glad to
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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