if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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