No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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