you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
