I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Houston, we have a blender
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
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I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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