Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom

(636): View more from Missouri

You know how us drunks love counting steps

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(636): I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom (636): You know how us drunks love counting steps http://tfl.nu/2dlf

Replies (17) Good night (2661) Bad night (644)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up

(1-502): View more from Kentucky

basic color theory

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(502): apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up (1-502): basic color theory http://tfl.nu/ff46

Replies (14) Good night (1192) Bad night (3496)
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(512): View more from Texas

I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'

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(512): I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood' http://tfl.nu/xp6j

Replies (14) Good night (2070) Bad night (7053)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?

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(732): The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ? http://tfl.nu/0iqw

Replies (11) Good night (4086) Bad night (1043)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?

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(605): I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF? http://tfl.nu/tx7k

Replies (14) Good night (5913) Bad night (1141)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.

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(864): I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened. http://tfl.nu/5edl

Replies (4) Good night (2644) Bad night (1172)
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(727): View more from Florida

remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.

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(727): remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes. http://tfl.nu/1odp

Replies (0) Good night (1485) Bad night (930)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.

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(304): No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me. http://tfl.nu/xahh

Replies (10) Good night (2425) Bad night (627)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Life is too short to have fake orgasms.

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(412): Life is too short to have fake orgasms. http://tfl.nu/1oh4

Replies (14) Good night (2909) Bad night (638)
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(585): View more from New York

Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away

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(585): Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away http://tfl.nu/gctj

Replies (18) Good night (1727) Bad night (903)
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(205): View more from Alabama

My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.

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(205): My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life. http://tfl.nu/opyw

Replies (3) Good night (1040) Bad night (494)
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(406): View more from Montana

Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation

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(406): Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation http://tfl.nu/7kli

Replies (9) Good night (924) Bad night (329)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year

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(775): Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year http://tfl.nu/wpi9

Replies (9) Good night (400) Bad night (644)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?

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(763): Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again? http://tfl.nu/daqm

Replies (1) Good night (262) Bad night (556)
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(647): View more from Ontario

We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works

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(647): We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works http://tfl.nu/o9x9

Replies (1) Good night (399) Bad night (134)

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