i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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