i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
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I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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