She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
