Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?

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  (813): you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you? http://tfl.nu/35zi
  Replies (12) Good night (2997) Bad night (1074)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick

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  (478): i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick http://tfl.nu/86s0
  Replies (14) Good night (679) Bad night (2670)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.

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  (316): No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here. http://tfl.nu/05bz
  Replies (71) Good night (956) Bad night (6299)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.

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  (216): There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself. http://tfl.nu/jj9y
  Replies (23) Good night (1255) Bad night (4036)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do flat chested girls get laid?

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  (724): how do flat chested girls get laid? http://tfl.nu/7tbe
  Replies (189) Good night (1315) Bad night (5993)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.

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  (570): I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end. http://tfl.nu/kio4
  Replies (21) Good night (2855) Bad night (1473)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.

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  (914): I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed. http://tfl.nu/d2yj
  Replies (5) Good night (2170) Bad night (824)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF

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  (914): He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF http://tfl.nu/rz1g
  Replies (19) Good night (4028) Bad night (1652)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.

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  (226): wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all. http://tfl.nu/mko0
  Replies (8) Good night (1745) Bad night (1142)
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  (909): View more from California

  Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?

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  (909): Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy? http://tfl.nu/kkqk
  Replies (10) Good night (1985) Bad night (792)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.

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  (319): I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls. http://tfl.nu/wkuc
  Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (843)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.

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  (727): It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside. http://tfl.nu/ic5n
  Replies (5) Good night (699) Bad night (432)
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  (650): View more from California

  Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.

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  (650): Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days. http://tfl.nu/kjo1
  Replies (0) Good night (446) Bad night (738)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while

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  (519): I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while http://tfl.nu/0rg5
  Replies (4) Good night (588) Bad night (334)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.

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  (781): I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt. http://tfl.nu/aqol
  Replies (2) Good night (313) Bad night (459)

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