matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
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Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Whats that? My new stripper name?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.