69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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