Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea