Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.

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  (415): Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were. http://tfl.nu/n6mv
  Replies (1) Good night (1263) Bad night (591)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.

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  (801): don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy. http://tfl.nu/h3zi
  Replies (16) Good night (7262) Bad night (1363)
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  (858): View more from California

  So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?

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  (858): So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism? http://tfl.nu/tlrk
  Replies (13) Good night (5710) Bad night (1098)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed

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  (901): Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed http://tfl.nu/avah
  Replies (9) Good night (1732) Bad night (4594)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.

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  (850): HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF. http://tfl.nu/8qce
  Replies (12) Good night (1187) Bad night (2876)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.

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  (613): We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed. http://tfl.nu/xcuo
  Replies (6) Good night (2919) Bad night (1077)
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  (925): View more from California

  Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard

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  (925): Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard http://tfl.nu/2caa
  Replies (14) Good night (4090) Bad night (1027)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.

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  (713): Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away. http://tfl.nu/vae8
  Replies (5) Good night (1826) Bad night (602)
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  (559): View more from California

  so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"

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  (559): so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?" http://tfl.nu/cy8a
  Replies (5) Good night (1414) Bad night (524)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?

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  (715): Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success? http://tfl.nu/ml6u
  Replies (0) Good night (672) Bad night (315)
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  (310): View more from California

  Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.

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  (310): Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me. http://tfl.nu/c54s
  Replies (1) Good night (899) Bad night (533)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.

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  (407): What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats. http://tfl.nu/w4l0
  Replies (1) Good night (944) Bad night (535)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh

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  (850): I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh http://tfl.nu/rh1r
  Replies (3) Good night (349) Bad night (747)
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  (916): View more from California

  That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt

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  (916): That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt http://tfl.nu/napj
  Replies (0) Good night (814) Bad night (457)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?

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  (305): Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention? http://tfl.nu/3cqf
  Replies (1) Good night (300) Bad night (337)

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