Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
