____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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