so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
