Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
