Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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