Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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