I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
