Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
