im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
