Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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