they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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