Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
