jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
