My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
two words...techno handjob
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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