he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
