My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
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Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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