Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
