I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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