I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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