U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
