so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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