that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
