cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
