u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
