Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
