Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
