so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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