My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
