There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
