I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
