I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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