I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
