apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i think i just lost a toe
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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