i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
