dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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