Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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