No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
