Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You've changed since you got that strap on
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
