Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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