He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
