I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
