so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
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Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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