it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
