if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
