I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
