She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
