Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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