At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
