Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
