she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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