I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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