I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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