would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
