guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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