And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I FOUND THE LEGS
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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