Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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