Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
