Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
