my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
