im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
