There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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