Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
