i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
