I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
