i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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