I want to have your abortion
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
