i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
