Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
