I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
