Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
