Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
