Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
