gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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