glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
