So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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